i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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