I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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