plz talk dirty to me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
