He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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