if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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