careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
