I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
zippers are such a cool invention
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
