why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
