Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
