Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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