this beer tastes like vomit already
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
