I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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