I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The air was thick with penises
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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