Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
