Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
