haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
