Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
