My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
