wakey wakey hands off snakey
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
