im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
