I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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