he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
