hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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