I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
