i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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