Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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