Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
