This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My ass is underappreciated
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have post one night stand depression
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
