If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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