do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
