Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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