Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
