Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
