Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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