he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
