dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
