I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
