We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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