apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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