Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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