Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
