I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
