If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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