Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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