Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
