Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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