My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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