she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
