The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
