I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
