Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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