Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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