We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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