So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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