On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
