Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize