It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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