Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to make out with him forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
