So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
false alarm, still single
Randomize
