and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
