I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
