do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
