tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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