i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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