Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
